Today's sermon was the BEST sermon I've ever attended! Thank you God!

I was supposed to go out with Chit to help out in some Children's day event today. In the end we scrapped the idea coz Chit was unfashionably sick. Yet, he tried to play a good host. Thank you so much despite all the troubles I've caused. XD After which I headed to the National Library at Bugis along Victoria Road I think. Managed to dig out something read-worthy. It was the "Ruby Throne Trilogy" by Deborah Chester. The writing style somewhat differs from Robin Hobb, yet I couldn't resist reading it. It was THAT amazing for after Robin Hobb, there isn't a single worthy author that is capable of captivating me like this. Currently nearing the end of book 1. Hehe..

After all the above, I met up with Chit and Quan for lunch at about 4pm. So late.. :x Then, I voluntarily allowed myself to be dragged to a church sermon for Polytechnic students.. I was a Christ believer till secondary 4. I've been believing, then backsliding and then re-believing Christianity over and over. This time round, I was just really too desperate to try anything that can stop myself from cutting again. At the initial of the sermon, it was relatively awkward for me as it doesn't seem right for a cynical back-slider like me to be under the presence of the Lord. It made me felt inferior and unworthy, and after all that I've done to myself after knowing that God created me not for this purpose and for much greater things.

During the worship after the praise, I've began to feel the once familiar feelings again. Many say that it is the work of the mind, and that as a Science student, I shouldn't allow myself to believe "crap" like this. Nonetheless, I assure all of you, the feelings are true. During the worship session, I poured out all my thoughts and emotions to the Lord, beseeching for His help and forgiveness. This is when I suddenly felt a slight giddiness and that a small portion of my burdens had been lifted away. Thus, I began to cry.. Wonder if Chit saw that.. Lolz, he was sitting next to me. XD It was nonetheless embarrassing for a tertiary student to be crying in an upbeat sermon. However, for once in a very long time, I've really felt the love of my Lord. This is true. I can even swear to you right now that I'm not going to do anything foolish and foolhardy anymore. I felt like I've gained a whole lot of new strength after that earnest prayer and that it was heeded. Thank you Lord for Your magnanimity and praise to You for all Your Love to humanity.

Today's sermon was rather empowering. Touching on the topic "The kind of people God will anoint". Pastor Jasmine was rather enlightening in trying to interpret the Bible's text for us. She's amazing for it is the first time I'm able to understand and focus on the sermon without falling asleep. Thank you God!

I want the Lord to give me double anointing. I want to learn from Him and many others whole-heartedly and grow under the Lord's meticulous hands. I want to learn to be really humble for that will let me see new lights and perspective. And Lord, teach me to be someone who will not procrastinate and put whatever I know into action. Give me the power to "DARE TO TRY".

Thank you Lord!

I'm just so tired but I can't stop..

Working today with Geraldine was fun.. I somehow realised that it is only with See Kia around that only business is good.. However, not with Geraldine.. Wonder why? Hehe.. Nonetheless, I couldn't resist the urge to cut myself once more while at work today. It seems that I'm relying on my 2 best-friends very often: Olfa Cutter 01 and Olfa Cutter 02. XD

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It has been an emotion roller coaster for me since day 1 of my development to cut myself. It seems that I'm beginning to be reliant on it as an outlet to destress..

-Bird- came to tell me today that I am suffering from depression. I wouldn't remove that possibility, yet I couldn't really believe it. Me?! Of all the bo-chap people in the world, me?! I'm the heck-care type of guy. So it wouldn't seem right if someone who don't care anything suffer from depression. Whatever the case, I feel the need to stop it. However, I couldn't summon the strength to forge on. I've already felt that I'd let down a lot of people. People who tried their best
to help me in my time of need. People whom care for me.

All the talk about people who care for me. I really don't feel that they actually care. I think I am now numbed by how others feel towards me. I feel neglected all the time. Left out, alone. Yet, I know that the old me will pull it through and try my best to prove others wrong and colour all lives.

Am I beginning to get addicted with the penknife treatment?

Hmmm.. I was fine today till I went out with Yunqi, Yee Shin and Janice today. We were at Bakery Cafe Provence for some wonderful confectionery. The cream cornet was great. Till Kaka called me up to work coz Kor hurt his toe while at his CCA camp. Lolz. Nonetheless, I went into some weird mood swing and headed to the cafe's toilet. However, I'm quite happy with the battle scars. XD It turned out visible on camera. Somehow getting addicted to it. Lolz.

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Out somewhere in Sengkang..

Hmmm. Was at Chit's house cooking on Wednesday. So damn funny. Had a bit of red wine. Lolz, I'm not 18 yet. Hmmm. I swear, why does wine tastes so much better than beer? XD

Gratefully, my contribution with Chawanmushi turned out fine. Just a bit to "yolky" on the taste. Nonetheless, silkiness was achieved! XD

I'm so bored now. XD

Chit does magic with potato flakes, milk and butter and turns it into mash potatoes?!


Dubious looking burger ingredients..


The sample doesn't taste as good as it smells.


There's Melvin staring at Chit's.... God, what is he staring at?! Zomg..

I'm so bored. So I'm now starting something new for this Blog Board.

I am so darn bored. 2 days into the week and I feel like jumping into a time-warp and get over this holidays. How nice would that be.. Haha.. Today's DRP, I had lunch with Wei Lee, Louis and this junior called Jasmin. Hmmm.. I can't really pinpoint it, but I dare say that she reminds me of someone I know but not sure who.. XD Then again, that particular someone I know shouldn't be as bimbotic as her given that my personal circle of friends do not really include people who are "beyond scientific explanation" kind of dumb.. Crud, and I thought Shu Hui was hopeless enough. Lol.

Nonethless, back to topic. What should I do to keep this blog board entertaining? One option would be to share all my deepest darkest secrets with you all, but that would pretty much make me an easy target for blackmails. XD Another option would be that I start writing a story. That pretty much has no link between chapters with retarded ideas in it. However, that would really test the limits of my creativity and writing power. What to do? Any suggestions anyone?

Crud. I was scrolling down my MSN when I saw Lewis (an ex-classmate) wrote this for his personal message: "i love u, u love me, let's gang up to kill barney, with a shot gun BANG BANG, barney on the floor, bye bye purple dinosaur. (:"

Good lord. O.O"||

Omfg.. What just happened?

Ideally, I should have removed the post below. However, I want to make it up for the entry count. Haha. Nonetheless, I've regained my sane mind with my ex-chinese teacher preaching the crap out of me and my parents drilling threats in my brain. Lolz. There are a couple of people I'd like to thank for trying to at least talk me out of literal mutilation of my arm. Though, it wasn't much of a success, still, I'm grateful.

I'd like to thank Siti, Huiyi, Jia Hui and last but not least Shu Hui. I'd like to thank my manager/grandma Geraldine for trying to console me. Thank you all for trying to help me. At least now I've managed to pull through my deranged mood-swings and hopefully become stronger.

There are just so much factors involve that just literally triggered my lunacy. Final conclusion before the end of today is to "love myself".

*Edit: I forgot to include Yun Qi. Thank you Yun Qi~~

The amazing penknife therapy

When I first heard of people cutting themselves with they are under pressure. I thought it was stupid. However, it seems that it's not. I've tried it not too long ago. I have no idea what driven me to do it, but let me tell you.. It's a great thing. It helps. At least for a little bit. I started out small. Soon I'll get it bigger. The pain given by the knife is supposed to "counteract" the pain and depression you are having. Thus, the bigger, the better. Nonetheless, I'm a spineless coward at the moment. However, let me assure my general audiences that it will get bigger and much more surprising.. Hmm.. Still, how surprising can cuts get? Lolz.

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If only I have a better camera to focus on the fine blood lines. XD