As the saying goes: "As the going gets tough, the tough gets going." I began to realize how true this is. I've always thought that I'm a very strong person, stress-free and all. I'm your usual bo-chap kind of guy. Out there in the school, I try to portray myself as a strong and capable person, but I am actually not. I understand that I can lead, but I prefer the assisting role.
Why's that so? It's probably because subconsciously I know that I cannot handle pressure. The reason I gave my blog the title "Spinel of Victory" was not only because Juliet Nao Zhang from Mai-Otome is one that I idolized, it's also due to the fact that I hate losing.
Those out the who knows me will know that even though I do not study for my tests, I always score a borderline pass. Why? That's because I hate to lose despite not placing any effort, during these last minutes near-death situations, I force myself to think. Well, yeah, short term pressure I can accept.
The Spinel of Victory not only signifies a glorious victory, but probably at the same time signifies a person who is able to not buckle under the pressure. Perhaps it was too ambitious of me to give this blog such a magnificent title.
School, of late, have been a tedious and monotonous journey. Out there, I find people of all sorts. I agree with what Mdm Huang Yan said, "Students in TP really lack the academic maturity." I agree I lack this maturity. That's why I'm buckling under the pressure of the myriad of projects. My team-mates are all like zombies now. They all seek me out as a motivational source. However, I've made it clear that I refused to take on the leadership role. Despite that, I still try to make the effort to be that pillar of strength. However, I'm fading off soon, like a burnt off wax candle.
I've spent so much time just forking out to do these projects that I'm not getting any revision done. Well, some of you might say that instead of wasting time writing this blog entry, might as well study. True, however, I need this blog as an outlet to de-stress. So whether you read it or not, it's no big deal. Cause I'm not seeking readers in the first place. I'm so tired, I'm having insomnia of late that only allows me to sleep only after 12. I have to roll all over the bed from 10pm. 2 hours to let me think of how well I've done during the day, and how screwed I am the next.
People say death is the quickest solution of all things. I used to say it's foolish. However, it feels to me that it might be true after all.
F.Y.I: I have no intentions of killing myself. I'm not a weakling.
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1 comment:
No one's ever pathetic, it's only a self-perceived untrue inflicted thought. Why not think of yourself as the opposite =D Cheers (peaceoutXOX)
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