A few days have passed since my birthday. Truly, I have grown older, kudos to physical attributes anyway. Psychologically, I still feel as vulnerable as a 3 years old kid does. A journey of finding my true self had revealed things to me that I already knew but forgotten. Alas, I realised the factor that sought my memories of self-conscious to be erase. The hurt that wrenched pain true into my heart and into the very fine lines of my soul.
I acknowledged the fact that our acquaintances would only last for a short 7 months. Yet, in my heart, I’ve known for a fact that you are the only true friend that I can ever have. Yes, for you are my brother. Happiness surged with the bitter bubbles of dread as you have acknowledged me, for I have much anticipated the dreaded future. Truth can be predicted if one can embrace the maledictions and negativity in life. I was one made to be such. Scorn was my way of life, being cynical was like breathing, and pessimism was simply the truth. All were true, until the day I met you. I would say that initially I had a distaste for you. The stronger me back then, saw you as someone pathetic, as a miserable scholar without control with his emotions, as a technical failure in life.
I had a goal, that is to achieve my diploma and being able to enter biomedical science. Of all things, why biomedical science? I am a practical person. I have carried a façade of being clear-minded with a good goal for too long a time. Frankly as to speak, my decision to enter biomedical science during my university days was simply because of my strong desire to live a high life. I always had the capabilities to lead, the capabilities to get things done and often accountable. Yet, since young, I’ve already seen through the disgusting truth about adults and their way of politics.
It doesn’t matter whether you have the capabilities of a great leader or not, one thing is definite for sure, you are GOD when you hold power. I often shine in my primary school days back when I was in Boon Keng. However, my achievements were often ignored. A daughter of the School’s Director, a wonderful and pure maiden, so talented, so intelligent was often the crux of the teachers’ conversation. I was often on par with her. We so constantly alternate the top two positions in class. Yet, I am often ignored. Why?
Truth dawned on me when I was in my primary 4. A stray conversation caught my attention. “…Of course what, she’s the director’s daughter, of course will get anything la!” In order to gain due recognition, I must first attain the power. Since on, I often befriended myself to figures of authorities. Backing myself up by someone of adequate power, it’s just one strategy. Nonetheless, I wouldn’t just stop there. I often backstab people just to achieve my ultimate goals. It’s the same thing I did to get myself out of troubles.
Since then, I’ve sold my soul to the dark lord and manipulated hearts of many as a capable yet “easy to bully” fat kid. Things began to change for me since I entered my secondary 1 year. Life began to taste sweeter, when I met my first buddy. Yup, you’ve guessed it, it’s –hy– (tada~). His ability to stay strong in his righteous beliefs kept me in awe. Quiet and reserved, I initially thought that I can make him my lackey (-hy- so sorry!). Still, when I got to know him better, realisation began to dawn me. So what if I am being ignored all the time? So what if I do not get power and the gold? He sparked the hidden angel within in me, the inner man whom wished to treasure and enjoy life without restriction. For the first time in a long while, I had finally smile without hiding my true feelings.
Ah yes, -hy- was the first who opened my enclosed heart. Technically as to speak, he was the first knight. The very saviour I’ve met. My knight, my confidante and my adviser.
Yet, he wasn’t as unique as the one who opened my heart thoroughly and freed the true one within me. To the one who truly opened me up, thank you. Though I’m unable to let go of this past and all of it’s memories. I’m still grateful, grateful for having you acknowledging me as a brother, as an equal. For he is the one who proves me wrong in all aspects of life I thought otherwise.
Go forth my guardian! Ride the winds and soar! Be one with the sky and blast your way through the obstacles in life. For you are the Albatross, flying high and mighty above the sea. Through the storm, you’ll find the peace in the lands and the joy of abundance!
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