Why is it so easy to be misunderstood?

They say that family will always be one's pillar of support. It is also said that family will cheer you on in times of need and that they'll also be there to lend you a listening ear. My family, you all asked, and I can give you no answer.

No, do not be mistaken. My family is not broken. It's just that we lack this important drift called communication.

Everything started to go awry for me since after my term test for year 2.1, leaving still relatively affected by it. Now, my family is suffering the aftermath of it due to my incompetency and inability to handle my situation well. When things started to go wrong, my first idea of support and aid was to seek help from my friends. It wasn't my family, it wasn't my parents. Little wonder too for it was taught to me since young that "I should solve my own problems and not rely on other's capacity." This statement is true, for I am on my own when I'm facing my own troubles. That's why, since young, I've never consulted with my parents on my problems for fear that they'll condemn me. (If memory serves me correct, they did condemn me, that's why I'd rather seek external help.)

However, they blamed it on me for not seeking help from them immediately after they pry into my life. However, I did not tell them the true crux of the matter. When I even decided to sit down and talk to them about my decision to go onto a new faith, they started giving me some mumbo jumbo. Still there are still some sense in their point of view. However, it is in my point of view that sometimes their type of thinking is not suited in this era in life. Yet, who am I to fault them for growing up in a post war era? Sometimes I even tried to be considerate about the fact and actually go along with it. Yet, they never seem to notice. Being thrifty is a virtue, that's true. However, are you able to bring the money into afterlife? Ya, I know, more money means better life. Nowadays, material needs and wants have no appeal to me other than food and IT stuffs. (Haha, that's for another day.)

Ya, perhaps in a way, I am defiant to my parents. Sometimes, I wish they can understand that now I'm facing a crisis that I thought I could not handle, however I'm still coping by. By being so critical about me all the time nowadays really isn't making things better or easier for me at all. It's not like I don't want to heed them or anything, it's just that there are times I want to do things my way. Even though it might fail, but hey, I'll not regret it at the very least. You know what really pisses me off badly? They always say that: "Look, we are your parents. At the very least you could do is not to doubt us. We will never harm you in anyway. We are really disappointed in you thinking that we bring harm to you." I mean F***! Look, just because I do things my way means that I doubt their abilities and wisdom? Heck no! What stupid logic is this? I really wished that at the very least, even if they couldn't understand my intentions, at least give me the support.

Take for example. I want to buy a present for a friend. Well, so what if it's overly priced? I mean well, one of the reasons I went back to working part time during the school holidays was to get the cash for this. Yet, my mum complains about it. Well ya, friendship isn't determined by cash and monetary value. That I very well understand. What I hope to achieve here is not because I want to show off to my friend that I am loaded or something. It's rather that I want to buy it for my friend because I feel that it's really worth it. Even if one day my friend might turn back on me. Furthermore, my mum did say that this holiday's earnings I get to spend it as I deem fit. If she says so, then why? Why interfere? I understand her intentions that I might get hurt in the end or be on a bad stand or situation.

Seriously, they tell me to start acting my age. Fine. When I start acting like they age group I should be in, they make another big fuss out of it. So which one should I go now? Be like a big childish oaf or go acting like my age group?

I think I'll start fasting ya.. Once the school starts. How should I do it? 7am to 7pm? That'll be good. At least can slim down. Wahaha. Do it for 15 days.